Missionaries: Ok. So we have a problem no one is answering so hopefully as the nurse you might know what to do. Our water is not running in the shower. The hot water doesn't work in the kitchen. A drip from the tub and slow flow from the bathroom sink. Kitchen sink cold is running fine. All we want to do is shower :(I love these missionaries!! Where else could you get this kind of entertainment???
Me: That sounds like an issue with the plumbing for sure. Sorry. Not my area of expertise. I would guess the water heater is shut off or something like that. Who have you tried to call? Try calling ghostbusters! LOL
Missionaries: Haha we could sure try the ghostbusters LOL We called our zone leaders and Sister Xxxxx. We just don`t know if we should call the landlord or..??
Me: Call the landlord!!
Missionaries: Ok thanks! We just let them know. Thank you sister peterson. Also you won the fastest responder award! Thank you for always being there with a smile for us! :D
(20 minutes later)
Me: Not too fast this time. I was driving.
Missionaries: Hahaha! Still the MVP sister peterson! ;) even at your slowest you beat everyone else. :D top of our contact list. We love you!
Me: I love you!! Sleep tight right after your cold shower. :)
This has been a great week. Mega-zone conferences Tuesday through Friday.
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| Lunch at one of the mega-zone conferences |
I was able to interact with all of the missionaries in the mission in one way or another. I settled on my presentation that I mentioned last week. With the increase in mental health issues, I decided I wanted to hear from the missionaries themselves. I sent out a "survey" on Wednesday of last week. I asked them to respond to me with when they have been the most happy on their missions and also when the most unhappy or down.
I received a great response. I will share just a couple of them:
"The most happy time that I have been on my mission, is when the following occurredI didn't not take a count but I could make a pretty accurate guess that 80% of the depression, anxiety, stress, unhappiness, etc in the missionaries revolves around the amount of work they put into their mission and their relationship with their companion.
1. Feeling the spirit
2. When I had a great companion
3. We were being obedient
4. Having fun
The most sad time that I have been on my mission is when
1. Not feeling the spirit
2. Not being obedient
3. Don't like my companion
1. Most happy when I'm involved and getting to know people
2. Most sad when I'm focused on myself and my worries
I think the time that I have been the happiest on my mission is when the work is going well, I'm getting along with my companion, I'm healthy, it's nice outside, and I feel comfortable with the ward I'm in. I think the reason why is because when the work is going well I feel accomplished, when I get along with my companion well, that one is pretty self explanatory, when I'm healthy and it's nice outside I just feel better, and when I feel comfortable in the ward, it is huge because we get rejected all day everyday. So it feels nice to have a safe haven on Sundays where you feel at home and with your family.
The times I have been the most depressed have been when I haven't been getting along with my companion, the work is slow, and I don't feel comfortable in the ward.
1. When I have strong relationships with the people that i teach and my companion as well.
2. When i am not working hard enough."
Therefore my presentation for the mega-zones was designed to help the missionaries to see how they could be happier and more successful.
I am sharing this with you because I believe that whether you are a missionary or not, all of us have these "mental health" issues at one time or another.
These are my thoughts as presented to the missionaries:
I want to talk about 2 thought processes:
All-or-nothing thinking
Overgeneralization
(Since I can't talk to you I am going to write what I presented in a formal way but I did not present it this formally.)
All-or-nothing thinking is also called "black-and-white thinking." When we do this, we think of life's events and people in extreme categories: black or white, righteous or unrighteous, good or bad. You may think, "Since that investigator doesn't want to be baptized after all of the lessons I have given him, that means I'm a failure." Or, "Since no one will talk to me, that proves I'm a loser." These thoughts will cause you to be depressed. The fact is, most of what happens to us cannot be thought of in black-and-white or all-or-nothing terms. No one is absolutely brilliant or totally stupid. People are not absolutely righteous or unrighteous. We are all just more or less so. The fact is, much of life is gray, not black or white.
Related to all-or-nothing thinking is the habit of over generalization. This happens when you arbitrarily conclude that something that happened to you once will occur over and over again.
I asked the area mental health advisor what he saw as problems with missionaries he has worked with. His response: Perfectionism and expectations.
The two thought processes I talked about can lead to perfectionism and unrealistic expectations
Perfectionism is defined as the obsessive and rigid desire or expectation that we must do things perfectly or life is not good. Sometimes we apply it to even trivial things like mopping a floor or straightening up our desk. If something is not done just right, perfectly, we consider ourselves failures. It is directly related to all or nothing thinking. Either I am a success or a failure. Either I'm perfect or imperfect.
Perfectionism or having unrealistic or irrational expectations about ourselves is a chief cause of depression, anxiety, and obsessive compulsive disorders.
Even God does not expect us to be perfect in this life. It cannot be done. Know that you don't have to be perfect. We aren't even expected to achieve perfection in this life but rather to make steady progress toward it.
When we fall short of the mark we feel we've blown it and that we'll never be able to measure up to everything we're told to do so we give up!
Sometimes we allow ourselves to succumb to the failed diet syndrome- I do this. I start a diet on Monday. I do well for a few days eating sensibly and healthily. Then I find that I have eaten something I deem not diet worthy. In other words, I eat candy or cookies or chips. Then I think, "Well I've blown it, I might as well eat what I want and start over tomorrow." I then proceed to eat everything in the house that isn't nailed down. That is how I've lost 857 pounds in my life time. I have also gained 877 pounds with a net gain of 20 pounds which I am forever fighting to be rid of!!
This is a very clever and successful tool of the adversary. We must keep trying and we must be able to forgive ourselves when we can't do it all.
Everyone - and I mean EVERYONE- has hard or bad days. Before your mission, here on your mission, and after your mission you will experience these kinds of days when nothing seems to go right. Days when we want to just throw in the towel and give up. Walk Away! Go home!!
Even if you aren't a perfectionist, we can still feel like failures because of our expectations.
These are the days we MUST get up, brush off the dirt and mud so to speak and get busy. Will it be hard? YES!!
The secret to happiness is to set modest, realistic goals and then accomplish them. Don't be so rigid you can't alter your course. (Then I gave an analogy of how I set a goal/destination in my GPS. Even if I make a wrong turn or don't turn when I'm told, the GPS alters the course and I get to my destination via a different path).
In my pondering, I thought of things to discuss today but I have already taken too much time. Let me just list some of my thoughts that can make us happier:
Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
- Forgive yourself and others
- Don't compare yourself to others
- Have positive attitude- you can change your attitude and have positive thoughts
- Count your blessings. President Monson has said: "Everyone can be discontented if he ignores his blessing and looks only at his burdens."
- Develop faith and testimony. Study hard- apply lessons learned in the scriptures to your life
- Lose yourself in service
- Believe Christ/Atonement
- Become one with him: Have a covenanted relationship
Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.
[Matthew 11:28-30]I hope that by reading this, you may have some thoughts about how you think, how you perceive yourself and the world about you.
Elder McConkie used to call this being in the gospel harness. When we are in the gospel harness, when we are pulling for the kingdom with our eyes on that goal, although we are not yet there, we can have confidence that just as that is our goal in life, so it will be our goal in eternity. Through the Atonement of Christ we can have hope of achieving and an expectation of receiving that goal.
Trust Him. He will meet you more than halfway. Remember your relationship
Give Him all that you have
On Monday I went to Flushing and to lunch with sisters Kim and Aragon. They took me to Spring Shabu Shabu restaurant. Shabu Shabu is a very popular Japanese dish in Korea. It was a buffet where all the food in the buffet is uncooked. You can get what you want, choose the flavor and spiciness of the broth, and then cook it as you eat it. I loved the experience.
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| Sisters Aragon and Kim |
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| I chose chicken. The sisters chose assorted seafood. I wasn't quite in the mood for octopus. The vegetables were awesome!!! |
Saturday, Jim, Christian and Asher returned from Switzerland. I picked them up at JFK in a major downpour.
Then I went to a youth conference in the Woodside Stake where I had been invited to talk to the youth about how their health can affect their preparation to serve a mission and also their mission itself. I discussed nutrition and exercise benefits and how this affects mental well-being. How it is important for them to learn to care for themselves before they leave for a mission.
Then a mental health therapist from LDS Family Services talked to them about depression, anxiety, stress, suicide and how to help manage these things and how to get help if they need it.
After the conference, Jim and the boys and I went into Manhattan for Neopolitan pizza at Motorino Pizzaria in lower Manhattan. Afterward we went to Cones for ice cream.
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| Waiting to get seated |
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| Red pizza. Margherita |
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| White pizza. Roasted Brussel sprouts with pancetta |
Sunday morning I took my boys to LaGuardia for their flight home. I worked on my Primary singing time and prepared final dinner preparations to share with the missionaries.
It has been a wonderful week. Anytime I can get hugs and interaction with choice sons and daughters of God, I am a happy woman.
I want to end with a quote from President Hinckley: "Don't be gloomy. Do not dwell on unkind things. Stop seeking out the storms and enjoy more fully the sunlight. Even if you are not happy put a smile on your face. Accentuate the positive. Look a little deeper for the good. Go forward in life with a twinkle in your eye and a smile on your face, with great and strong purpose in your heart. Love Life."
I love you my family and friends.
(MISC)
