We need love.

Some dear sister missionaries brought me these homemade donuts.  What a treat!  The real treat though was the love that the sisters brought to me.  

Sunday in Relief Society we discussed the importance of loving and caring for everyone.  In the scriptures, we can find many references to love.  One reference that all of us know and recognize was taught to us by the Savior:

“A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.”   John 13:34¬–35

I see the affect that love can have on people around me.  I see the affect that lack of love can have on people around me.  I could go on at length but my blog would be WAY too long.  I recently read a talk presented at graduation in April 2019 at BYU given by Arthur C. Brooks, an American social scientist, musician, and contributing opinion writer for The Washington Post. He was the president of the American Enterprise Institute.  I’ll share a few insights but I would encourage you to read, or better yet, listen to the entire talk.  It is entertaining but also enlightening. 

His talk, “More Love, Less Contempt” really speaks to the issues facing our world today.  In this excerpt he says:

“If you pay attention to politics or television or social media, what do you see today? You see recrimination, reproach, insults, and sarcasm. You see leaders at the highest levels of our country who bully and berate those with whom they disagree. You see families torn apart over political disagreements. You see political foes who treat each other as enemies.

People often characterize the current moment in America as being “angry.” If only this were true. Anger is an emotion that occurs when we want to change someone’s behavior and believe that we can do it. According to the research on anger, while anger is often perceived as a negative emotion, it has social purpose. And it is not to drive others away. Rather, it is intended to remove problematic elements of a relationship and bring people back together.

The problem is not anger—it is contempt. In the words of the nineteenth-century philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer, contempt “is the unsullied conviction of the worthlessness of another.”  The destructive power of contempt is well-documented in the work of the famous social psychologist and relationship expert John M. Gottman, professor emeritus at the University of Washington in Seattle. Over the course of his work, Gottman has studied thousands of married couples. He has explained that the biggest warning signs for divorce are indicators of contempt. These include sarcasm, sneering, hostile humor, and—worst of all—eye-rolling.

And just as contempt ruins a marriage, it can tear a country apart. America is developing a “culture of contempt”—a habit of seeing people who disagree with us not as merely incorrect or misguided but as worthless.

This is causing incredible harm to our country. One in six Americans have stopped talking to close friends and family members over politics since the 2016 election. Millions are organizing their social lives and curating their news and information to avoid hearing viewpoints differing from their own. Ideological polarization is at higher levels than at any time since the American Civil War.

Listen to the words of Church president Russell M. Nelson: “Hatred among brothers and neighbors has now reduced sacred cities to sites of sorrow.”  He said this in 2002. Today it is even truer, isn’t it?

And this is harming more than our nation. Remember that America is a beacon of hope for the rest of the world. We are an example of democratic capitalism that has pulled two billion of our brothers and sisters out of starvation-level poverty over the past half-century alone. This is a nation that has attracted you or your ancestors with the promise of equal opportunity, religious freedom, and a good life for you and your family. When America is torn apart, we become incapable of living up to the plan—the holy plan—for our nation, which is to shine a light for the rest of the world.

So what do we need? Some say we need to agree more, but that is wrong. Disagreement is good, because competition is good. It makes us sharp and strong, whether in sports, in politics, in economics, or in the world of ideas. We don’t need to disagree less; we need to disagree better. Other people say we need more civility. But that is wrong too, because civility is a hopelessly low standard for us as Americans. Imagine that I told you that my wife, Esther, and I are “civil to each other.” You would say we need to get some counseling!

If we are going to beat the problem of contempt, we are going to need something more radical than civility—something that speaks to our heart’s true desire. We need love, which was defined by Saint Thomas Aquinas as “to will the good of the other.” We need a new generation ready to model lives of love in the midst of a culture of contempt. We need young people who can live out in today’s culture the words of Helaman:

And it came to pass that they did go forth, and did minister unto the people. . . .

And as many as were convinced did lay down their weapons of war, and also their hatred and the tradition of their fathers. [Helaman 5:50–51]

He was talking about you. Make no mistake, this isn’t easy to do. It requires people who will not run away from the problem, who are unafraid to infiltrate the culture of contempt, and who are capable of modeling a better set of values. This requires the agility to be in the culture but not of it.”

It is my prayer and hope that we as sisters and brothers may find in our hearts the ability to love one another: to love the poor, the needy, the afflicted, the angry and those who share a different opinion than our own.  I intend to make as much difference in the lives of those I serve and those I love and those who I may find it more difficult to love as I possibly can.  I pray that the Lord will give me the strength and guidance I need to make the lives of others better.

This has been a busy but blessed week.  I have accompanied missionaries to some doctor and dental appointments.  I have had a couple of meetings.  Phone calls, texts and emails fill my time.  I so enjoy interaction with these missionaries!

Monday evening we had a family home evening dinner with the senior missionaries.   There aren’t many of us left and by end of the year, there will only be three couples and me left as no new missionaries are able to come to the country yet.

Dinner at Clove, an Indian restaurant.

Wednesday I had occasion to be at the office.  I ran into several missionaries.

Elders Kendall and Leiataua in our masks

Also met some some sweet sisters just about dinner time so I coerced them into going to dinner with me.

Sisters Nathan-Nga, Sione, Vaha’I, Keung

Friday I ran into two other sisters, again at dinner time.  I mentioned eating to them and they agreed to help me out so I wouldn’t have to eat alone.  LOL

Back to Clove for an Indian dinner with Sisters Tahere and Heath

Saturday evening, Elder and Sister Mayberry helped me celebrate Sister Lucas’s birthday which was on Sunday.  We went to dinner at Talay Thai.  

Didn’t get a picture of the people but I did get a picture of my pad thai and it was delicious!!!

 

After all of the “dining out” this week, I really needed the exercise to work off the calories.  The beach has been glorious this week.

This memory came up in my FB feed.  I was on Fire Island that day.
One of my favorite places to go while serving my mission in New York City. 

So you see, some things just don’t change…..
The beach and ocean draw me to them.

Saw some interesting critters this week on the beach.

Isostichopus badionotus, also known as the chocolate chip cucumber or
the cookie dough sea cucumber, is a species of sea cucumber in the family Stichopodidae.
This common species is found in warm parts of the Atlantic Ocean.

 

This is a large species that can grow to a length of 45 cm (1 ft 6 in), but the average adult size is about 21 cm (8 in).   It has distinctive dark coloured "warts" in three coarse rows on its dorsal surface, the rest of the body may vary from white through to shades of orange to brown, with sometimes large brownish stains. The mouth is located ventrally and surrounded by about 20 large tentacles.

This one made me particularly sad.  

 

Spring is in full bloom here!  Hope you don’t mind that I post an overload of pictures.  I love the color!

This picture also came up in my FB feed.  It is a picture of our dog, Tillie.
The kids were outside playing in the yard.  She wanted to watch them out the kitchen
window.  I’ll bet she was hoping they would come back in and take her out with them.
(You can’t tell I have an affection for GIANT dogs.)  Putting paws on the kitchen counter
is against the rules but I had to get a picture before I reminded her of her indiscretion. 

One of my favorite meals.  The beetroot hummus is to die for and this meal more
than makes up for the calorie laden meals I ate this week.
The hummus keeps me feeling full longer than many foods.

I pray for you to have a joyous week ahead.  Remember!  Let’s fill our lives with love and less contempt!

I love my Savior.  I love you my family and friends.