Remembering Kay

All my days seem to run together.  I had to sit and think for a minute.  What have I done this week??

I guess the best place to start is Monday.  Every day I start with following up on missionaries who have been sick or whom I need to check on for one reason or another and I did that first thing in the morning - every morning.  We weren't having FHE this day because many were busy preparing for transfers, etc.  I spent the day catching up on some laundry and mundane things that needed to be done around my apartment.

Tuesday I welcomed the new missionaries and gave them their medical ID cards before I headed off to the mission home to help with dinner for the departing missionaries and laundry.  There were only 5 departing missionaries this transfer but no matter the number, it is always a little heart wrenching to tell them goodbye.

Elders, Sister Reynolds, and Anthea preparing BBQ for dinner at the mission home

Elder Choi, Elder Hwang , Sister Zambito, Elder Mariteragi, Elder Harris, President and Sister Reynolds

Sister Zambito came home with me and stayed overnight because her flight to England didn't leave until in the afternoon and she was the only sister leaving so she would have been lonely at the mission home.  Besides, it gave me a few more hours with her.

Wednesday, after Sister Zambito left, I took two sisters to dinner at Panera.  Every time I go there, I remember our trip with Jim to Key West the year before Kay died.  Kay loved bear claws (pastry).  He discovered that Panera had bear claws, so Jim did all in his power to find a Panera as often as possible to get his dad a bear claw.

Bear claw

Sisters Maldonado and Santiago

After dinner I drove them to the area they were going to work.  On the way home, I couldn't help but admire the sunset.

I took these pictures from the railroad bridge by my apartment. It was spectacular!

I love the layers of color. No alteration or filtration.

Thursday, I helped Sister Bramwell, one of the senior missionaries with a project to find "I 'heart' (love) New York" tee shirts for her family.  She and Elder Bramwell go home first week in October.  I really enjoyed spending a few hours with her.  I also began my weekly reports.

Friday I went grocery shopping and finished my reports.  Of course I get daily calls from missionaries but this week has been a little slower although the cold and flu season has officially started with a few sore throats, runny noses, and coughs.

Saturday was a planned outing for the senior missionaries.  We went to Westbury to tour Old Westbury Gardens.  I have added information about the gardens and estate and its owner at the end of the blog.  It was a pleasant day with mild, comfortable temperature and great company.

Walking to the mansion
Elder and Sister Shapiro, Elder and Sister Johnson, Elder and Sister Martino, Elder and Sister Williams

This is an amazing American beech tree just outside the mansion. I love it!!

President and Sister Reynolds

Thatched Cottage. This is the playhouse for the Phipps only daughter

The group outside the cottage.

The reflection pond

Beautiful gardens.

Lilly pond

The bees liked the salvia but only the purple one. The pink one didn't have any bees.

The dog cemetery

I don't know what the berries are but I like the color

Statues and planters and gargoyles galore

One of the guest rooms

The wallpaper in many of the rooms was hand painted in China with no repeats.  Another guest room

Mr Phipps' dressing room

The master suite

An oriental armoire. Kay would have admired this inlaid wood work.

Mr Phipps' study

The silver dinning room. We were told that everything in the room
was real silver from the chandelier to the door hinges

The red ballroom. The walls are red brocade.

The sitting room and the library

We arrived in Westbury half an hour before the gates opened to the garden so we explored the neighborhood.
These are just a few of the homes/estates in the area. Most on spacious property behind locked gates.

Saturday evening I went to the Women's Conference broadcast at our stake center.

Sisters at Women's Conference

It has been a good week.  I have thought a lot about my husband and how grateful I am for eternal marriage and the privilege I have to know that I have a companion waiting for me.  Kay was the best husband I could ever dreamed of having.  He cared more for me than for himself or any other person alive.  He always had good things to say about me. He treated me with great honor and respect.  He opened doors for me.  He always made sure that I was first in every way.  We shared everything:  food, good times, sad times, hard times, honors, and every aspect of life.  Together we created a good family that I appreciate more than I can say.

Kay always wanted to be with me. If I was in the kitchen he would sit
at the table and read the paper and watch me and talk to me.

As Kay lost weight, his ring fell from his finger and we could never find it so
I bought him a new ring in his new size. My ring still fit inside his ring.

He wrote poetry for me and sent poems and thoughts to me frequently.  He wrote messages of love on our bathroom mirror with marking pens.  We could communicate without words.  He always wanted to be with me.  He never looked for an excuse to get away.  In fact, if I couldn't go someplace with him, he wouldn't go.  In our 47 years together, I can only think of two times that we were separated.  Once he went to his brother's funeral and I couldn't go because I had a 3 week old baby.  The other time, he had to go to a conference in Denver and I couldn't go because I had a new baby. (Seems we always had new babies.)

He never went hunting or fishing without me.  He never wanted to go out to eat because he would rather have my cooking.  He never complained about the food I made nor the way I prepared it.  We never fought.  That doesn't mean we didn't have times of trial.  We were human, but if we had differences of opinion or times of anger or frustration, we either talked about it or waited until we were calm and then talked about it.  We always presented a united front to our children. 

Kay was very wise.  He always knew the best way to help or to give advice.    He loved his profession and was the best educator that I know.  He had compassion for his students and the teachers he worked with.  He always tried his best to make sure that everyone was treated equally.  He supported his students and lifted and carried them to be the best they could be.

He loved his children and grandchildren.  He wanted them to be successful in everything they did.  He taught them to be respectful and responsible.  He taught them to love and care for each other.  We planted gardens and he taught them to grow their food.  We had animals and the family worked together to take care of them.  We had rabbits, goats, sheep, cows, calves, horses, chickens, dogs, cats, ducks and all of the cleanup and care that goes with them.  All of the children learned to muck stalls, feed animals and to work together.  To this day, whenever there is a chore to be done such as raking leaves or planting gardens or cleaning garage, etc. everyone possible shows up.  

I could go on but this post would be way too long.  Kay was the best husband and father.  Because he has been in my thoughts I studied about the Spirit world and what I thought he would be doing.  He always wanted to serve a mission with me.  We did a mission together at the Riverton Family History Library but he wanted to serve a full time mission.  I feel that he is with me on this mission, supporting me in all I do.  I also know that he is serving a mission in the Spirit World. 

This is an article I read this week and found very interesting:

Spirit World

See this page in the original 1992 publication.

Author: Bowen, Walter D.

The spirit world is the habitation of spirits. The earth itself and the living things on the earth have spirit counterparts that existed before the physical creation, and a living soul consists of a spirit body united with a physical body. This spirit existence, where living things are composed of organized, refined spirit matter, extends beyond the human family and includes animals and plants. Little is revealed about plant spirits beyond the fact that all living things, including plants, were created as spirits before they were created with physical bodies (Moses 3:5, 9). However, latter-day revelation indicates that human and animal spirits are living, active, intelligent beings and that spirits do not need physical bodies for existence (see Spirit). Since spirits exist before mortality, as well as afterward, there is both a premortal and a postmortal spirit world.

The premortal spirit existence, for mankind at least, was "in heaven," in the kingdom where God lives. Explaining this phase of the Creation, the Lord said, "I, the Lord God, created all things, of which I have spoken, spiritually, before they were naturally upon the face of the earth,…for in heaven created I them" (Moses 3:5).

More detail is known about the place and conditions of departed spirits-the postmortal spirit world-than about the premortal. Concerning the postmortal place of human spirits, Alma ₂ sought an answer to the question "What becometh of the souls of men from this time of death to the time appointed for the resurrection?" (Alma 40:7). It was revealed to him by an angel that at the death of the body "the spirits of all men, whether they be good or evil, are taken home to that God who gave them life" (Alma 40:11). They are then assigned to a place of paradise or a place of hell and "outer darkness," depending on the manner of their mortal life (Alma 40:12-14).

President Joseph F. Smith discussed this subject further: The spirits of all men, as soon as they depart from this mortal body, whether they are good or evil,…are taken home to that God who gave them life, where there is a separation, a partial judgment, and the spirits of those who are righteous are received into a state of happiness which is called paradise, a state of rest, a state of peace, where they expand in wisdom, where they have respite from all their troubles, and where care and sorrow do not annoy. The wicked, on the contrary, have no part nor portion in the Spirit of the Lord, and they are cast into outer darkness, being led captive, because of their own iniquity, by the evil one. And in this space between death and the resurrection of the body, the two classes of souls remain, in happiness or in misery, until the time which is appointed of God that the dead shall come forth and be reunited both spirit and body, and be brought to stand before God, and be judged according to their works. This is the final judgment [p. 448].

President Brigham Young declared: When you lay down this tabernacle, where are you going? Into the spiritual world…Where is the spirit world? It is right here. Do the good and evil spirits go together? Yes they do…. Do they go beyond the boundaries of the organized earth? No, they do not…. Can you see it with your natural eyes? No. Can you see spirits in this room? No. Suppose the Lord should touch your eyes that you might see, could you then see the spirits? Yes, as plainly as you now see bodies [Widtsoe, pp. 376-77].

The postmortal spirit world is an actual place where spirits reside and "where they converse together the same as we do on the earth" (TPJS, p. 353). "Life and work and activity all continue in the spirit world. Men have the same talents and intelligence there which they had in this life. They possess the same attitudes, inclinations, and feelings there which they had in this life" (MD, p. 762).

The postmortal spirit world is a place of continued preparation and learning. In this sense, it is an extension of mortality. Those who have died without an opportunity to hear the gospel of Jesus Christ will have opportunity to hear and accept it in the spirit world. "The great work in the world of spirits is the preaching of the gospel to those who are imprisoned by sin and false traditions" (MD, p. 762). The faithful elders and sisters who depart this life "continue their labors in the preaching of the gospel of repentance and redemption…Among those who are in darkness" (D&C 138:57; Smith, p. 461; see also Salvation of the Dead).

Bruce R. McConkie explained, "Until the death of Christ these two spirit abodes [paradise and hell] were separated by a great gulf, with the intermingling of their respective inhabitants strictly forbidden (Luke 16:19-31). After our Lord bridged the gulf between the two (1 Pet. 3:18-21; Moses 7:37-39), the affairs of his kingdom in the spirit world were so arranged that righteous spirits began teaching the gospel to wicked ones" (MD, p. 762).

An important LDS doctrine states that Jesus Christ inaugurated the preaching of the gospel and organized a mission in the spirit world during his ministry there between his death and resurrection. This is the substance of a revelation recorded as Doctrine and Covenants section 138.Since Jesus' visit there, the gospel has been taught vigorously in the spirit world (see Spirit Prison).

The relative conditions and state of mind in the two spheres of the postmortal spirit world are described by the Prophet Joseph Smith: "The spirits of the just are exalted to a greater and more glorious work; hence they are blessed in their departure to the world of spirits. Enveloped in flaming fire, they are not far from us, and know and understand our thoughts, feelings, and motions, and are often pained therewith" (TPJS, p. 326). On the other hand, "The great misery of departed spirits in the world of spirits, where they go after death, is to know that they come short of the glory that others enjoy and that they might have enjoyed themselves, and they are their own accusers" (TPJS, pp. 310-11).

A statement regarding conditions in the spirit world among the righteous was given in 1856 by Jedediah M. Grant, a member of the First Presidency. He had related to President Heber C. Kimball a vision he had had of the spirit world, which President Kimball subsequently discussed at Grant's funeral a few days later on December 4, 1856. Although an unofficial statement, it represents concepts generally held by Latter-day Saints. A summary follows: Jedediah Grant saw the righteous gathered together in the spirit world; there were no wicked spirits among them. There were order, government, and organization. Among the righteous there was no disorder, darkness, or confusion. They were organized into families, and there was "perfect harmony." He saw his wife, with whom he conversed, and many other persons whom he knew. There was "a deficiency in some" families, because some individuals "had not honored their calling" on earth and therefore were not "permitted to…dwell together." The buildings were exceptionally attractive, far exceeding in beauty his opinion of Solomon's temple. Gardens were more beautiful than any he had seen on earth, with "flowers of numerous kinds." After experiencing "the beauty and glory of the spirit world" among the righteous spirits, he regretted having to return to his body in mortality (JD 4:135-36).

Since all who have possessed a body in mortality will be resurrected, a time will ultimately come when the postmortal spirit world pertaining to this earth will cease to exist as the earth will become the celestial home for resurrected beings (MD, p. 762).

After reading this article, I feel even stronger that Kay is teaching the Gospel in the Spirit World.  He is a masterful teacher.   I am blessed to be his wife and the mother of his children.

I love you my family and friends.

Westbury, New York

The first settlers arrived in 1658 in the region known as the Hempstead Plains. Many of the early settlers were Quakers.

Westbury's Jericho Turnpike which provides connection to Mineola and Syosset as well as to the Long Island Expressway (or LIE) was once a trail used by the Massapequa Indians. As far back as the 17th century, it served as a divider between the early homesteads north of the Turnpike and the great plains to its south. Today, it serves as a state highway complex.

In 1657, Captain John Seaman purchased 12,000 acres from the Algonquian Tribe of the Massapequa Indians. In 1658, Richard Stites family built their homestead in this area. Theirs was the only family farm until an English Quaker, Edmond Titus, and his son Samuel, joined them and settled in an area of Hempstead Plains known to us today as the Village of Westbury. In 1675 Henry Willis, also an English Quaker, named the area "Westbury", after Westbury, Wiltshire, his hometown in England. Other Quaker families who were also seeking a place to freely express their religious beliefs joined the Tituses and Willises. The first Society of Friends meeting house was built in 1700. The early history of Westbury and that of the Friends are so interconnected that they are essentially the same.

These settlers, like many other landowners throughout the colonies, owned slaves. In 1775, compelled by their religious beliefs, the Quakers freed all 154 African-Americans that they owned. Many of these freed men and women built their own homesteads on the open land near the sheep grazing pastures. Their new community consisted of farms and dairies. In 1834, with Quaker assistance, they and their descendants built the New Light Baptist Church. Now known as the African Methodist Episcopal Zion Church, the building still stands on the corner of Union Avenue and Cross Street.

The outbreak of the American Revolution disrupted Westbury's tranquility. From the beginning of the war until 1783, British soldiers and German-speaking mercenaries occupied local homes, confiscated livestock, and cleared the woods for firewood for the troops. With the close of the war, Westbury received its third group of settlers, the Hessians, mostly from Hesse-Cassel in the Holy Roman Empire, who chose not to return to their home country. Instead, they remained in an area now known as New Cassel, a name chosen in honor of the part of Hesse from which most had come.

By 1837, the Long Island Rail Road had built through Westbury. Schedules from March 1837 mention a stop at Westbury, but by June list Carle Place instead, with schedules from 1842 listing both. In 1840, the first public school was built. The railroad made it easier for German, Italian, Irish and Polish immigrants to work Westbury's farms and in 1857, St. Brigid's Parish was founded.

At the same time more African-American families came to the area via the Underground Railroad. For some, Westbury was only one stop on the way to Canada, but several stayed in this area after being harbored in secret rooms in the homes of the Quakers. In the years after the Civil War, until near the turn of the century, the few stores that comprised the small village around the railroad depot, were mainly black owned.

The Village moved from its agricultural setting in the late 19th century when the very wealthy began to settle and build mansions. This area is now known as Old Westbury. Post Avenue soon became a commerce center to serve the surrounding estates. Various estate workers began to move in as well. Streets were mapped out and constructed. Post Avenue received electricity in 1902 and in 1914 a water company was founded.

From the 1850s to the 1900s, Westbury's population and ethnic diversity began to rise as many people of Irish, Italian and Polish origins continued to settle. New Cassel began to be developed in the first quarter of the 20th century.

In 1927, Charles Lindbergh took off from Roosevelt Field, a couple of hundred yards south of downtown, for the history-making flight to Paris, marking probably the most famous event tied to Westbury.

In response to a rumor that northern Westbury planned to incorporate, thereby leaving the southern part without a name, residents collected enough petitions for third class incorporation in 1932. The Village included Grantsville, the section south of Union Avenue around A.M.E. Zion church, but did not take in New Cassel, since the few families that lived there thought it would only unnecessarily increase their taxes.

In 1938, the Northern State Parkway was constructed and in 1940, Roosevelt Raceway. In 1941, the Second World War began. Westbury sent 1,400 persons to serve the country. This was 20% of the community's population, making it the highest percentage of any comparable community in the United States.

In the mid-1950s, Westbury virtually ran out of undeveloped land and with it came the end of the building boom. In 1940, Westbury listed its population at 4,525. By 1960, Westbury's population had grown to 14,757, according to the census data for that year. Many Caribbean and Latin American families began to settle during this time and in the decades that followed.

As the birth rate declined, people married at a later age and the high cost of buying a home prevented many people from assuming a mortgage in the 1970s, Westbury again underwent change. Today, the Village's population remains over 15,000 and is rich with ethnic and racial diversity.

GRAND ESTATE OPENS DOORS

BY Debbie Tuma Special To The News
NEW YORK DAILY NEWS

Sunday, December 3, 1995, 12:00 AM

This weekend, the John S. Phipps estate, a glorious English mansion in the heart of Old Westbury Gardens, is opening its doors to the public for an old-fashioned Christmas celebration and tour. "The three-story house and 150 acres of gardens has been kept exactly like it was during the time it was owned and occupied by the family of John and Margarita Phipps, from 1904 to 1959," said Jennifer Gaffney, a spokeswoman for Old Westbury Gardens. John Phipps was the son of Henry Phipps, who made the family fortune as a partner in Andrew Carnegie's steel empire. In 1904, John Phipps built this mansion, known as Westbury House, for his English wife, Margarita Grace. He met his wife, of the Grace shipping line fortune, while visiting relatives in England. "The story is very romantic, and so is the history of our gardens," said Gaffney. "When John asked Margarita to marry him and move to Long Island, he promised to build her an English mansion and gardens like the one she grew up in.

" Phipps even hired an English architect, George A. Crawley, to design a replica of the English mansion and gardens. "Margarita loved gardening, and she grew up with magnificent flowers around her, so this was duplicated in Old Westbury," said Gaffney. The couple had four children, and also helped raise 30 other children, who were sent over from England by their families during the war years, from 1939-1945. The family occupied the house after John and Margarita died. The ivy-covered, red-brick mansion has about 75 rooms. The first two floors are open to the public; the former third-floor nurseries are now closed off for storage. In 1959, the Phipps house and gardens became an incorporated, nonprofit museum, open to the public. It was acquired and endowed by the J.

S. Phipps Foundation. The only remaining child of the family, Peggie Phipps Boegner, 90, lives next door. She retired last year as chairman of the board of trustees. Old Westbury Gardens is located in a wooded area between the Northern State Parkway and the Long Island Expressway. It is open to the public from April 1 through Dec. 12, when it closes for the winter season. "Our two biggest seasons here are the spring floral displays and the Christmas celebration," said Gaffney. "We have just brought our gardens inside the house, with live Christmas trees, wreaths, garlands on the stairways, and holly and mistletoe all around.

" Christmas tours at Westbury House began yesterday. They continue today and Dec. 7 through 11. From 11 a.m. to 4 p.m. each of these days, people can take self-guided tours of the mansion. They can view live trees decorated with antique ornaments, an original train set running through the rooms, and displays of antique toys. "Our whole house smells of fresh pine, and our main fireplace is glowing to greet people as they enter," said Patricia Montgomerie, chairman of the Christmas celebration. "Our guests are served cookies and cider.

" Montgomerie said that for this celebration, the rooms are filled with mannequins dressed as the 30 children who lived in the mansion during the war. "This place will have one surprise after another from a live Santa Claus greeting the children, to groups of school children from all over Long Island coming to sing and perform here.

" The celebration will also feature evening events, including a Renaissance concert by the Madrigal Singers and Merriweather Consort of C.W. Post College, who will perform in the red ballroom at 8 p.m. Saturday. Tickets for this event are still available. Throughout the mansion, people can view the Phipps family's original furniture and paintings by such noted artists as John Singer Sargent and Thomas Gainsborough. There is a red ballroom overlooking the south terrace, a formal dining room set for dinner, and a library with a secret compartment where the family kept a Stradivarius violin. The glass-enclosed west porch, where the family sat for tea, was filmed for the movie "Age of Innocence.

" The famous Walled Gardens of the house were also featured in the movie. Nelson Sterner, director of horticulture for Old Westbury Gardens, said the spectacular grounds will reopen when they bloom in April. He said the major gardens include the Walled Garden, Rose Garden, Boxwood Garden, Lilac Walk, Grey Garden, Secluded Garden, Vegetable Garden, and Perennial Demonstration Border. "These English gardens include over 5,000 tulips, 5,000 roses, trellises, fountains, two ponds and statues," he said. "We also have numerous shrubs and trees native to Long Island.

" "I would say we are one of the finest examples of an English garden in America," said Sterner. Sterner has traveled to England to compare gardens there with Old Westbury's. "It always amazes me how we have recreated this on Long Island," he said. "There is never a bad time to see our gardens here.


John Shaffer Phipps (August 11, 1874 - May 12, 1958) was an American lawyer and businessman who was an heir to the Phipps family fortune and a shareholder of his father-in-law's Grace Shipping Lines. He was a director of the Hanover Bank, U.S. Steel Corp. and W. R. Grace & Co.

Known as "Jay", he was born on August 11, 1874 in Allegheny, Pennsylvania to Henry Phipps and Anne Childs Shaffer.

On November 4, 1903 he married Margarita Celia Grace at Battle Abbey in Battle, East Sussex, England. She was the daughter of Michael P. Grace and niece of William Russell Grace, Irish immigrants who became very successful in business. John and Margarita had four children. They were: John Henry Phipps, Michael Grace Phipps, Hubert Beaumont Phipps, and Margaret Phipps Boegner, who married J. Gordon Douglas, Jr.

John Phipps amassed almost 2,500 acres of rolling Virginia farm lands in The Plains, Virginia including Brenton, an 1889 stone manor house. He was a polo player and Thoroughbred racehorse owner, and the property assembled from 1928 onwards would be the site of his Rockburn Stud farm. Upon his death it passed to his son Hubert.

Phipps purchased an old 160-acre Quaker farm on Long Island where he built a large mansion with magnificent gardens that, following his death, became a non-profit organization that today is known as Westbury House & Gardens and is open to the public. In the 1920s he purchased several large properties in West Palm Beach, Florida including one that was once used as a pineapple plantation. He subdivided the property and turned it into the three largest subdivisions containing luxury residential homes in what is now the El Cid Historic District. John Phipps built a home for himself he called "Casa Bendita." A large oceanfront mansion in Palm Beach, Florida, it was designed in 1921 by architect Addison Mizner. Today, the property is occupied by his granddaughter, Susan Phipps Cochran, and her husband.

He died on April 27, 1958 in Palm Beach, Florida.